Opening Day Predictions

It's only a few hours until first pitch and I can procrastinate no longer if I wish to write something in honor of opening day. I don't generally make predictions about the big league record, and really, trying to predict this season in this league/division, with this team, with this manager, and with this general manager will likely prove to be an exercise in futility. So, let me predict a few other things.

• I predict that I will spend the entire season trying to remember the name of any members of the A's roster other than Nate Freiman and Erik Sogard (our Alex's brother).
• I predict that I will at some point during the season have to be restrained by friends from getting into a physical altercation with another team's fans, in order of likelihood Red Sox, Rangers and Yankees (just kidding, kind of).
• I predict that the CSN Houston deal will not get done this season, resulting in an explosion of subscriptions to MLB.tv and proxy server services, and more bad will between the fans and Jim Crane.
• I predict that Jim Crane and George Postolos will say something that will rile up the fans, the Astros blogosphere, and the twitterverse. Actually, I would be comfortable offering a money-back guarantee on this one.
• I predict that Nolan Ryan will be forced out of the Rangers organization as anything but a figurehead and his response will be to throw out the first pitch to Jon Daniels and then get him in a headlock.
• I predict that Bud (don't call me Chuck) Norris will not be traded this season and that he will transfer his Cardinal killer ways to the Angels. A trade in the off-season? That's another thing.
• I predict that we will see Jonathan Singleton in Houston permanently by the trade deadline as Carlos Pena exits stage left.
• I predict that Brett Wallace will be given every opportunity to become the team's DH. It will be his to lose.
• I predict that Paul Clemens will be headed to the bullpen by the end of the year and will get called up to Houston in that capacity in September.
• I predict that Jordan Lyles will be back when Phil Humber is either traded or released. I predict the same for Dallas Keuchel as it pertains to Erik Bedard.
• I predict that Jarred Cosart, Brett Oberholtzer, George Springer, Domingo Santana and Jose Martinez will all make their major league debuts, most as September call-ups. I predict that Jonathan Villar will not make the cut until next year.
• I predict that Nick Tropeano will be in Oklahoma City before the end of the year and Mike Foltynewicz will be in Corpus by June.
• I predict that Jimmy Paredes will be traded.
• I predict that both @AstrosCounty and @HouCounterplot will be heavily medicated or institutionalized by the end of the season in response to the stupid things that national sports writers have to say about the Astros.
• I predict that attendance will continue to plummet, culminating in the Twins game on Tuesday, September 3rd, on which date the players, staff and vendors will outnumber the paying customers.
• I predict that Bo Porter will stare down Peter Gammons, causing Gammons to spontaneously combust.
• I predict that the Astros will surprise a lot of people, including Astros fans with their aggressiveness and hard-nosed style of play. I don't believe that they will lose 100 again this year or be in last place in the standings, but that's as far as I'm willing to go.
• I predict that a minimum of four minor league teams will make the play-offs and that a minimum of two will bring home championships.
• I predict that the fans who are loyal to the Astros will be rewarded, much as we were rewarded in yesterday's exhibition game, by more and more glimpses of the future. Seeing Mike Foltynewicz absolutely dealing, Domingo Santana crushing the ball, Delino DeShields motoring around the bases, George Springer making dazzling plays in the outfield, Jon Singleton showing great plate discipline and drawing walks, and Carlos Correa scalding line drives through the holes -- seeing more and more of all that as this year progresses and into next year will certainly be my reward.
• And, finally, I predict that, after the season is said and done, The Integrity of the Game™ will not have been damaged by anything that the Astros have done or not done, and Houston will be one year closer to being a perennial winner.